HE SAID: DAN LAPLANTE OF SHARP ENDS
VS.
SHE SAID: MARTINE MENARD OF MYELIN SHEATHS
#1 When did you first realize you were a rocknroll heart-throb?
Martine: I’ve actually had two instances of this realization: the first was when I went to jam with my cousin’s band when I was like fourteen or something, and we played at a centre that takes care of mentally handicapped people. I learned the songs as we went along, Brown Eyed Girl and such, and people were dancing and going off so hard. This was my first ever performance playing bass. The second was when I was living in a basement apartment (christened Thug Lyfe) underneath a grumpy French dude on dialysis. He played bass, too, super loud and along to a midi version of Brown Eyed Girl on repeat. We would have bass battles and my riffs were way sicker than his. I took a weird pride in assuming he was so jealous.
Dan: I was aware of this the moment I was born. Though I prefer to speak with four strings, I’m more deadly than you think.
#2 How do you feel about people idolizing you and putting up posters of you in their bedroom?
Martine: Makes me feel pretty faymiss but so awkward at the same time. A boy just told me he had one up. I feel maybe just as weird answering this question as I was trying to respond to him when he told me.
Dan: I would certainly encourage this practice as long as my poster is placed beside one of Ol’ Dirty Bastard.
#3 Would you ever consider joining forces to create a super group? The Sharp Sheaths? The Myelin Ends?
Martine: I don’t know if I could deal with the pressure of performing with actual competent musicians. The Sharp Ends are so good I have anxiety attacks about it. I’d have to do lots of workout bass routines, because out-shredding a housebound bro is just passing level one. I gotta beat some kind of boss before I could even dream of joining forces.
Dan: On the summer tour with Endangered Ape, there were plans to form Sharp Ape, a mix featuring all members of both bands that would cover the Velvet Underground’s “Sister Ray” in its entirety. I think the collective egos of the Sheaths and us may get in the way of any collaboration. Forming Sharp Dicks with the Moby Dicks could be majestic, though.
#4 If you could set up a member from your band with a member of the other band (on a date or an ultimate fighting challenge), who and why?
Martine: Paul and Nuder on a date, most definitely, because it would make Paul’s year. It wont be one of those dates where Paul stresses out about what he would wear, but he’d definitely be making a list of his funniest anecdotes to whip out. When he gets dropped off at the end of the night he’ll have a big, unshakable smile on his face for like two days. He’ll pretend like he’s not totally excited to tell his friends all about it, but he’ll find excuses. “Oh, that reminds me of this story Nuder told me….” Shut up, Paul.
Dan: would set up a vintage WWF-themed match between Paul Lawton and I. I like to think of myself as sort of his protégé; a bearded, Rickenbacker bass-playing academic. We’d have really amazing brightly coloured spandex costumes. His theme song would be “Africa” by Toto, while mine would be “Too Hot” by Kool and the Gang. It would definitely be a ladder match and the title would be on the line. Obviously, I, young grasshopper, would become master.
#5 How many times do you comb your hair each night?
Martine: Never! Washing it semi-regularly is the only maintenance it needs, that’s how I achieve these voluminous locks. No brushes!
Dan: I don’t tend to comb my hair anymore. I usually wake up and let it do its thing. In fact, I haven’t washed my hair properly in the last three weeks.
#6 Any rocknroll gossip you care to share?
Martine: I heard a dirty little rumour that Joel from the Myelin Sheaths/Moby Dixx is a huge Doors fan. And he picks his nose and eats it. Oh! And he has THE LONGEST TONGUE IN THE WORLD.
Dan: I hear Danny Christ can do a mean Tina Turner impression. While she’s got the legs, he definitely has the pipes to match her.
Questions by Kait Kucy
Love the boots and the hair, this would be a good New Year’s Eve dress.
Love the back and love the gloves!
Gorgeous ruffles.
I want this skirt. Everyone needs a flower on their hip. The coat is cool too — it reminds me of Samantha Jones.
This dress was hot. I feel like you could take over the world in it. 
Calgary fashionista and arts patron extraordinaire, Allison Moore is joining New Canadian Modern as our latest contributor! Attending 
the delicious closet afternoon meal prepared by miss yap
My Vancouverite musician extraordinaire pal, Dylan Thomas Rysstad, recently started a new company catering to anyone requiring tshirts and custom buttons. Two Doctors is an online custom merchandise shoppe for custom tshirts and buttons for your band, business, or group. What is better than having your band tshirts screened by anyone other then a couple of creatives who live, eat, and breathe art and culture themselves?
